Rest The Load For A Bit
& give yourself a chance to breathe.
Hola mi gente đđžđ
I, like so many others, recently saw the Michael Jackson biopic, and it was so. darn. GOOD! As I sat and watched his story unfold on the screen in front of me, I experienced something we all need when weâre heavy and depleted - escapism.
For about 2 hours, I got to immerse myself in a story that wasnât mine, and I also got to feel lightness as I did. During my time there, my mind would go to my own stuff for one reason or another, but I gently shelved it so I could be where my feet were instead. I danced, I sang, I laughed. & while for me, the biopic wasnât this massive rollercoaster of an experience, it did take me through a variety of emotions. Even though what Iâm holding didnât disappear, I allowed myself to rest it down for a bit so I could get away, experience something Iâd enjoy, and truly breathe. As I was driving home, I remember naming the escapism. Itâs one of the magical things about movies - they offer you an invitation to step outside of your life for a while so you can be present somewhere else.
After the movie, my load didnât come crashing down, but I knew that I left the retreat of the movie and was now back with the reality of things. I talk about being gentle with yourself and exercising kindness to and with yourself a lot, but I know how it is - sometimes, you donât feel like doing that, or you feel as though you donât have it to give. I experience that, too. Recently though, Iâve noticed a soft whisper thatâs been showing me that gentleness and kindness show up in the seemingly small ways.
They show up in me allowing myself to feel my feelings even when Iâm frustrated about how I feel and I donât have answers, they show up in me parking further away so I can walk, move my body, and get some fresh air, they show up in me giving myself permission to go slower, they show up in me making a cup of coffee, they show up in me giving myself permission to honour where Iâm at and laying down in bed longer before I start my day.
Yesterday I reminded myself of something I regularly say to my clients, âit feels hard because it is hardâ, and itâs okay for me to let that be. Even in the hard though, I get to show up for myself gently. Recently Iâve been holding that sometimes, even taking it a moment at a time can feel overwhelming. When things are heavy and you feel weary, the moments weigh more. They take up more space, and it feels as though theyâre expanding in ways that you donât have room for. Itâs like theyâre pushing against the borders, and even though the barriers are there, theyâre incessantly pressing against them, making it harder for you to breathe and sucking the air out of the room when you already feel like oxygen is sparse.
Itâs moments like these that can make trying to compartmentalize difficult. Sometimes, youâre able to compartmentalize and do whatever else you have to do at the time, which is also kindness to yourself. Sometimes, youâre able to stop your mind from going and your emotions from buzzing. But then other times, all it takes is a âhow are you feeling?â or an âare you okay?â and the pin that was holding everything together is released and the ache inside comes flowing out, rushing out sometimes in ways you couldnât have anticipated. Other times, all it takes is for you to sit a moment with yourself, undistracted, and the weight of the taxation you feel is as close as your breath, and you barely have anything else left to give.
Even then, mi gente, we get to keep showing up for ourselves and extend gentleness in the seemingly small ways. We get to invite ourselves to try to experience ease, to connect with our bodies and our breath, and to keep breathing. And as we keep doing that, we also get to seek out pockets to lay our load down so we can give ourselves some reprieve. Those will help to keep us going when things are heavy and our spirits feel weary, and we need that. Sigue adelante, mi gente, sigue adelante. âĽď¸
Hasta la prĂłxima. đ¸
P.S. Youâll only be receiving two Doses for May - today and the last Monday God willing, so Iâll connect with you in a couple of weeks. đđž
Todayâs Gentle Self-Reminder
When my load is heavy, I get to rest it down sometimes and invite ease.
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